it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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