I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
