Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
