I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
