i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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