I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
