I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
