There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
