About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
