She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
