dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
