im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So apparently I’m into choking now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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