Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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