Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
