dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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