Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
