that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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