What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
