After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
