Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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