I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
