I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
