i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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