Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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