that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
