David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forget how to act sober
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
