why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
