Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
