If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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