He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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