Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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