Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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