the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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