life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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