My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
