ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
