I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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