Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
