Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
