Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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