Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
