So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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