Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
ugly people sure do ruin things
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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