i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
