the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will be naked everywhere
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
