You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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