why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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