If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
