apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
