mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
