yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
