I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
