Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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