When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
