i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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