I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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