my shit smells like andre
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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