We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
