Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
