let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
