i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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