I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
