Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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