; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
