I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
