My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry about my life...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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