ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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