So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
