Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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