I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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