4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
