i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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